ZYTARUK: It’s beginning to look a lot like a Conservative Christmas

Tom Zytaruk

 

 

So let it be written…

 

Yay! We got cheques from the federal government so let’s re-elect the Conservatives.

You know, the guys with the largest largesse ever!

Well, that’s what they want you to think, anyway.

This week Canadian parents rich and poor alike are receiving a more-than-suspiciously-timed bit of their own money back from the North Pole, um, Ottawa, as the Oct. 19 general election looms large.

This, of course, is a retroactive lump-sum payment of $420 or $520 per child under the new UCCB, depending on how old your child is.

What is the enhanced UCCB?

It’s not an acronym for Unscrupulous Conservative Campaign Bribe. It is an acronym for enhanced Universal Child Care Benefit.

It’s also a shell game.

It replaces the child tax credit, for one.

Employees who used to be able to list their children as dependants, but no longer can, may have noticed their net pay go down as a result.

The new benefit is also taxable.

Canada’s Employment Minister, Pierre Poilievre, rode the symbolic Harper sleigh this week to promote the new benefit, and ergo, what a warm and generous bunch he and his fellow Conservatives are. He didn’t wear a Santa Claus suit. He did wear a Tory party shirt. He also had the nerve to characterize the lump payments as "Christmas in July."

Well, Santa doesn’t replace one "gift" for another.

Neither does he crawl back down your chimney the following April 30 to take some of it back.

With all this talk of Christmas, albeit in July, it would of course be in poor form to forget about Jesus.

Luckily, Conservative backbencher MP Wai Young had that one covered when she compared Stephen Harper to Jesus while speaking before what had to be an astonished church congregation in Vancouver recently.

"Jesus served, he saved, but he acted as well," she said. "I want to share with you what I think our government is doing in the same vein — Jesus served and acted to always do the right thing, not the most popular thing."

OMG!

Twitter, which was created for situations such as this, lit up like, well, like a Christmas Tree.

A couple of my favorites: @LukewSavage "And lo the Lord said ‘Go forth and spy on thy citizens, for that is my will. Read not the press." Romans 4:12.

David Climenhaga tweeted #CPCJesus says "Blessed are the 1 %, for theirs is the Kingdom of Ottawa."

Verily, I say unto you, you know a reigning party’s time is pretty much done once the minions start comparing their leader to Jesus Christ.

Glass of punch, anyone?

No thanks. I’ll just take a bit of my own money back and run, thanks. For the hills, that is.

 

…So let it be done

Just Posted

Fire destroys home in Surrey

Crews called at 3 a.m. Sunday for a residential house fire on the 12000-block of 100 Avenue

Mariners, Orcas win Fraser Valley volleyball championships

South Surrey senior teams to head to provincial championships next week

Alzheimer’s Society launches helpline

Toll-free phone line available for people with dementia and their caretakers

Art show to be held at White Rock’s Jan’s on the Beach

Art to be displayed until the end of December

1st Indigenous woman to start Canadian airline looks to B.C.’s remote regions

Teara Fraser is the first Indigenous woman in Canada to start her own airline, called Iskwew Air

‘N’ driver clocked going 51 km/hr over the speed limit

Port Moody police say the car was sent to the impound lot

UPDATE: Death of 38-year-old Fernie man at B.C. coal mine under investigation

Vehicle collision occurred at approximately 10:45 a.m. Sunday morning

Breathing polluted air during pregnancy may increase odds of baby having autism: SFU study

Study looked at nearly all births in Metro Vancouver between 2004 and 2009

Six students arrested, charged in sex assault probe at Toronto all-boys school

The school’s principal, Greg Reeves, described the video of the alleged sexual assault as ‘horrific’

5 to start your day

B.C. cracks down on ‘dirty money,’ homicide detectives investigate Maple Ridge death and more

Bankruptcies in British Columbia on the rise

Consumer bankruptcies climbed by 6. 1 per cent in August 2018 from the same month last year.

22 public toilets in Victoria: 136 people currently peeing

World Toilet Day floats some serious health issues

Calgary Stampeders back to Grey Cup with 22-14 win over Winnipeg Blue Bombers

Calgary was favoured to win the 2017 and 2016 Grey Cups, but lost to the Toronto Argonauts and Ottawa Redblacks respectively.

Most Read