COLUMN: The lingering effects of bullying

COLUMN: The lingering effects of bullying

Someone had reached out to make amends for what had happened

The conversation from out of my past was completely unexpected.

A few days ago, someone I had known in elementary school and junior high school reached out to apologize for bullying me during those years.

“I am truly sorry and I wish I could take it back,” he said. “It has been bothering me for years.”

The years from Grade 5 to Grade 9 were terrible. I was the victim of bullying during those years, not only from this person but from others as well.

There were many times when I wondered what I had done or what I was doing to deserve the bad treatment I was receiving.

It was a miserable, lonely period and I didn’t have friends to support me. Thankfully, I had my family and my faith in God to help me through the hard times.

Nothing I have experienced in the years following has been as difficult as what I felt then.

That’s part of the reason this apology meant so much. It was an acknowledgement, from someone else, that I had been mistreated.

It also showed people can change. I don’t know what led to his apology, but something happened, and today he is not the same person as when we were younger.

For the rest of the day, I had a smile on my face.

Someone had reached out to make amends for what had happened.

But that evening, I felt an immense sadness as well. It wasn’t a sadness for me or what I had experienced. Instead, the sadness was for the man who had apologized to me.

All this had happened around 40 years ago.

My life got better in high school, and within a few years after graduation, my elementary and junior high school years seemed like something from the distant past. I had moved on and I was happy.

My past was behind me. My present is amazing and I look forward to an exciting future.

Life is good now.

On rare occasions, I remember the bullying I endured so many years ago. It may be one of the reasons it takes me a while to trust people and to speak freely.

But I don’t feel resentment or bitterness towards the people who mistreated me in the past.

For the man who apologized, it has been different. For years, he carried the weight of past regrets. Over time, that weight grew heavier. Much heavier.

I learned that years ago he had tried to contact me, but he was unable to reach me. The only reason he was able to connect now was because he and my brother have a mutual acquaintance on social media.

“Being able to do this means more to me than you can guess,” he said when we finally connected.

The apology meant a lot to me as well. He wasn’t the only one to bully me, but he has been the only one to apologize.

I’ve been quite moved by our recent conversation, and it has prompted me to do a lot of thinking. There’s a lot more talk about bullying now than when I was growing up. Over the years, there have been numerous anti-bullying initiatives, including Pink Shirt Day, which will be held on Feb. 28.

But despite these efforts, bullying still happens today. It affects the perpetrators as well as the victims.

I wouldn’t wish my elementary and junior high school experiences on anyone.

But my heart also aches for the one who made the apology to me. He has had to live with his regrets for decades. And I know it hasn’t been easy for him.

John Arendt is the editor of the Summerland Review.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

(Photo by Kevin Hill)
40 cases linked to Surrey Memorial Hospital COVID-19 outbreak

Fraser Health says two death are associated with the outbreak

Surrey Council Chambers. (File photo)
Surrey city councillors complain not enough public input in committees

City has gone ‘exactly the opposite direction,’ Councillor Brenda Locke charges

Music therapist Felicia Wall in the music room at Phoenix Society in Surrey. (submitted photo)
Eclectic album showcases songs recorded by Surrey residents in recovery

Project at Phoenix Society took about six months to complete, with help of music therapist

JaHyung Lee, “Canada’s oldest senior” at 110 years old, received his first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine on Thursday, Jan. 14, 2021. He lives at Amenida Seniors Community in Newton. (Submitted photo: Amenida Seniors Community)
Sources team members (left to right) Carrie Belanger, Abby Gemino, Tatiana Belyaeva, Yasmin de Joya-Pagal cheer during the 2020 Coldest Night of the Year event. This year’s event will be virtual due to the COVID-19 pandemic. (Sources photo)
White Rock’s Coldest Night of the Year fundraiser goes virtual

Annual walk raises funds for variety of Sources programs and services

Keith the curious kitten is seen on Nov. 4, 2020 at the Chilliwack SPCA. Friday, Jan. 22, 2021 is Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day. (Jenna Hauck/ Chilliwack Progress file)
Unofficial holidays: Here’s what people are celebrating for the week of Jan. 17 to 23

Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day, Pie Day and International Sweatpants Day are all coming up this week

A unique-looking deer has been visiting a Nanoose Bay property with its mother. (Frieda Van der Ree photo)
A deer with 3 ears? Unique animal routinely visits B.C. property

Experts say interesting look may be result of an injury rather than an odd birth defect

Sooke’s Jim Bottomley is among a handful of futurists based in Canada. “I want to help people understand the future of humanity.” (Aaron Guillen - Sooke News Mirror)
No crystal ball: B.C. man reveals how he makes his living predicting the future

63-year-old has worked analytical magic for politicians, car brands, and cosmetic companies

Terry David Mulligan. (Submitted photo)
Podcast: Interview with longtime actor/broadcaster and B.C. resident Terry David Mulligan

Podcast: Talk includes TDM’s RCMP career, radio, TV, wine, Janis Joplin and much more

Seasonal influenza vaccine is administered starting each fall in B.C. and around the world. (Langley Advance Times)
After 30,000 tests, influenza virually nowhere to be found in B.C.

COVID-19 precautions have eliminated seasonal infection

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau listens to a question during a news conference outside Rideau cottage in Ottawa, Friday, January 8, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Adrian Wyld
Trudeau says Canada’s COVID vaccine plan on track despite Pfizer cutting back deliveries

Canadian officials say country will still likely receive four million doses by the end of March

Jobs Minister Ravi Kahlon shared a handwritten note his son received on Jan. 13, 2021. (Ravi Kahlon/Twitter)
Proud dad moment: B.C. minister’s son, 10, receives handwritten note for act of kindness

North Delta MLA took to Twitter to share a letter his son received from a new kid at school

Lilly and Poppy, two cats owned by Kalmar Cat Hotel ownder Donna Goodenough, both have cerebellAr hypoplasia, a genetic neurological condition that affects their ability to control their muscles and bones. Photo by Alistair Taylor – Campbell River Mirror
VIDEO: Wobbly Cats a riot of flailing legs and paws but bundles of love and joy to their owner

Woman urges others to not fear adopting cats with disabilities

Chief public health officer Dr. Theresa Tam provides an update on the COVID-19 pandemic in Ottawa on Friday, Jan. 8, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Sean Kilpatrick
Canada’s top doctor says to avoid non-essential travel as B.C. explores legal options

Premier John Horgan says he is seeking legal advice on whether it can limit interprovincial travel

Most Read