Christmas is a time for angels and ornaments, family gettogethers and roasted chestnuts. And giving 'til your credit card begs for mercy.
Often though, the holidays end up in squabbles and namecalling. And noogies. From there, it's a slippery slope. It doesn't take much for wet willies and towel snaps to devolve into headlocks, chokeholds, battle royales, flying clotheslines and, of course, the dreaded Reverse Frankensteiner.
So why not prep for the inevitable Christmas skirmish by watching the pros?
Mark Vellios hopes you do. At 8 p.m. this Saturday (Dec. 13), the Vellios-led All Star Wrestling invades the unsuspecting Alice McKay Building at the Cloverdale Fairgrounds for a Noelthemed, charity-benefitting smackdown designed to bring the pain even before Aunt Gertrude's customized fruit cake makes an appearance.
Muscled-up stud Flexx will be there, as will promising young talent Bambi, who may or may not square off with her latest rival, the raven-haired Vixxen.
So, too, will the human mountain known as Moondog Manson. Not exactly a choir boy at the best of times, Moondog will be particularly snarly Saturday night. You see, any wrestler able to body slam his mammoth 350-pound frame will claim a cool $500.
There's a 12-man, over-the-top-rope battle royale, and a veteran-laden feature match showcasing Canadian-baiter Azeem The Dream and Don Ciever in one corner and Disco Fury and Gorgeous Michelle Starr in the other.
Promoter Vellios will be watching this one especially intensely, as he is Gorgeous Michelle Starr. It's been a long journey for Vellios, from East L.A., through the infamous Tijuana circuit, and on to Canada, where he's successfully knocked heads as his flamboyant Starr alter ego since 1988.
It promises to be a typically riotous ASW evening, but with one difference: all proceeds go to Surrey Christmas Bureau.
This is the third "Bodyslams for Toys" show in Surrey, and it works like this: Bring in any new toy valued at $10 or greater and you're in.
If you don't have toys lying around the house, bring along ten bucks. Either way, you're golden.
"We donate our time and effort," says Vellios. "The wrestlers and the promoters make nothing. Long and McQuade donates the sound system and the Cloverdale Rodeo and Exhibition lets us use the facility."
The joint won't be licensed. "We're a family-friendly outfit," says Vellios. "We like to create an atmosphere where parents can bring their kids."
To that end, Vellios promises candy canes and a visit from Mr. Claus himself. Whether Santa ends up on the business end of a bionic elbow is anyone's guess, though the thought of every wide-eyed kid in attendance simultaneously losing it might well dissuade such treachery.
Then again, it might not. It's a blend of pugilism and Christmas spirit, fresh-faced rookies and seasoned old hands that comes around just once a year. Doors open at 7 p.m.