So let it be written…
The naughty little boy in me couldn’t resist.
We were having lunch the other day when I broke with etiquette and mentioned this whiskey drink folk can purchase for about $10 in Dawson City, Yukon. The recipe calls for one ounce of alcohol and one dessicated human toe, garnished with courage.
I should have known better than to have brought the disgusting topic up, given we were dining. I get easily grossed out myself — seems whenever I’m eating in front of the TV, that’s when the zit cream commercials come on, or a documentary on camel spiders. Yuck. Once I flipped on the tube, with a tuna sandwich hanging from my lips, to be confronted with time-lapse photography of a parasitic mushroom sprouting out of an ant’s head. I nearly cried.
Guess I’m a slow learner. And so, I flapped about the toe.
I don’t know if this grisly toe concoction should be shaken, or stirred. But one thing’s mandatory — you have to let the grim looking, wrinkly little severed digit touch your lips. That is, if you want to join the many thousands of daring souls from around the world who were crazy enough, drunk enough, or both, to have already imbibed this strange drink and become a member of the exclusive Sourtoe Cocktail Club.
People have been drinking this rude brew at the Downtown Hotel since 1973. The former owner of the original toe, as the legend goes, was a 1920s rum-runner who suffered frost bite and his brother chopped the toe off for him. The brothers apparently commemorated the occasion by preserving the appendage in a jar of alcohol which, as the story goes, was discovered many years later by someone cleaning out an abandoned cabin.
There have been many toes since, considering some patrons get carried away and swallow them with the booze. This triggered a $500 fine to discourage cannibalism. But after it was established this was an insufficient deterrent, the fine was then increased to $2,500.
There are, of course, strange drinks from elsewhere. Canada does not have a monopoly on this. Have you heard of Panda Dung Tea? How about Cow Water? That one doesn’t come from an udder, but somewhere else.
In Asia, they have a drink they call Snake Whiskey, infused with venom and real snakes. It’s supposed to prevent hair loss (?)
How about a nice tall glass of Peruvian Frog Juice?
Also known as “Peruvian Viagra,” this milkshake is prepared in a blender and consists of liquified frog, bean broth, honey, aloe vera and maca root. Really sticks to your ribbits.
What if Surrey had a strange drink? Surrey really should have one. What shall it be? Chai tea and J&B? A 9mm bullet immersed in a bottle of Red Racer? Four pints of tepid Black Label served in a Dayton boot?
Somebody should look into this.
Imagine a drink menu graced with beverages such as My Blurry Surrey, Newton Noodle Nightcap, Cloverdale on the Beach (that’s a reach), and Whalley-Up.
That one, I think, would be a Slurpee drink of your selection generously infused with cherry brandy, Southern Comfort and Lemon gin and sipped through a red licorice twizzler.
Seven Bandaids are stuck to the outside of the cup, for when you inevitably fall down.
Serve at room temperature.
So let it be done.